PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE:This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_______

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_______

SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_______

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES __________________________________

HOME ADDRESS __________________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? __________ If NO, explain

_____________________________________

Number of years married________If less than your age, explain

_____________________________________

Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____

A waterbed? _____  A pickup with a mattress in the back? _____

A condom? _____ Pornography? _______

Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________

A tattoo? ________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

_________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

_________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_________________________________________

Church you attend________________________

How often you attend_______

When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?

__________________________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

(that means I won't tell anyone EVER)

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be______________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my_____________

C: A woman's place is in the__________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ________

E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is_____________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room?________________________

Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).