WORST ANALOGIES..........SORT OF
Most of these are actually similes, NOT analogies,
but when you read them, you'll probably understand why whoever forwarded this thought they
were analogies (or maybe he or she just picked a random word to follow "worst,"
I don't know). But I'm always looking to make you laugh... Shelley
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--- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind
because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and
now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a
solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
--- She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from
screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy,
Fairfax Station)
--- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball
wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
--- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable
soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)
--- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality,
like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m.
instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
--- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)
--- Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell
Beland, Springfield)
--- Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung
but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)
--- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)
--- He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
--- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot
grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
--- Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would
be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland,
Springfield)
--- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field
toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m.
traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer
Hart, Arlington)
--- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper
can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
--- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy
Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
--- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
--- The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being
shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
--- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a
dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
--- The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
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