JFK ASSASSINATION IS NO LONGER A MYSTERY

DATELINE: DALLAS TX.

After nearly 23 years, a blue ribbon panel of investigators have uncovered the truth about the assasination of our 35th president, John Fitzgerald Kennedy. Spending millions of dollars reinterviewing thousands of witnesses, some not even born in 1963, this panel went to every length to find out the "truth" about that tragic day in Dallas. Using newly invented computer image processing techniques on the infamous Zapgruder film as well as new and updated sound tests at Dealy plaza--the truth can finally be told. Oswald was not the assassin--he was not even involved at any level. The above mentioned enhancement of the Zapgruder film shows very cleary the purpertrator and new extensive previously undislosed testimony prove conclusively and beyond a "shadow of a doubt" that......COL. MUSTARD DID IT IN THE CONSERVATORY WITH THE LEAD PIPE!!! Film at 11:00!