YOU KNOW YOU'RE A STONER WHEN.....

--Every story you tell begins with, "We were really high and..."
--You buy your Visine at a wholesale club
--You're a Bob Marley fan and you don't even like reggae
--Someone asks you for a dime and you tell them you're out of herb
--The High Times centerfold turns you on
--Every vacation you wind up in Amsterdam or Jamaica
--Your friends call you Smokey
--Your parents call you Smokey
--Smoking resi on a daily basis is essential to keep your bowl from getting clogged
--Your cigarette gets way too heavy
--You think everyone is staring at you and there's nobody in the room
--All you want to do is drink & smoke & eat & smoke & chill & smoke...
--Your room turns into your grow room
--The lab technician testing your urine sample gets high off the fumes
--Your best friend just happens to be your dealer
--You vote Harry Browne for president
--A friend without weed is a friend in need
--Your bumper sticker reads "Honk for Hemp"
--Someone finds a roach in your room, it's not a bad thing
--Your bong becomes an extension of your arm
--You went to a Hempfest
--You can't remember the Hempfest
--Your video collection consists of endless Cheech and Chong sequels
--Your too phoned to stone home
--Your creativity is only used when you have nothing to smoke out of
--You can ask for weed in other languages
--The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but you don't mind being wasted
--Sorting out life's problems, the answer is always roll, lick and smoke
--You want to have kids named Herb, Bud and MaryJane
--You were born caucasion but all your friends assume you're Chinese
--Your clothes are full of burnholes from dropped joints
--You learn about the KGB in history class and all you can think about are green sticky buds
--If an autobiography of your life was made into a movie, it would be called "Waiting to Inhale"
--You own too many pairs of Birkenstocks
--Breakfast consists of a spliff, some OJ, and a bowl packed with Fruity Pebbles
--You smoke your screens and save your roaches
--You clean out your car and smoke the shake you found on your car mats
--You forget your friends' names
--You forget your own name
--Your motto in life is Why ask Why? Just Get High
--You call people you don't even like to hang out, just because you know they've got buds
--You roll your blunts fatter than your 40oz
--You begin hearing knocks at the door and CD skips that aren't there
--You find yourself in the kitchen eating everything but Spam...then you eat the Spam

AND THE FINAL REASON YOU KNOW YOU'RE A STONER...
When you have to hold onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.