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>I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
>Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
>We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
>I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
>Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
>Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
>What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
>Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
>Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>If you are psychic - think "HONK"

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a Jeep)

Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.

If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

Boldly going nowhere

Cat: The other white meat

CAUTION - Driver legally blonde

Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

>Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
>Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
>Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep
>Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
>The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
>It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
>When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
>Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
>Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
>I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
>Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
>If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
>It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
>Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
>We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
>Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
>He who laughs last thinks slowest
>Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
>Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
>Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
>Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
>i souport publik edekasion
>The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
>We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
>Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
>There are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who can count & those who can't.
>Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
>Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
>I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
>Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
>Beware of quantum duck hunters! Quark! Quark!

"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"

"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... ...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."

"Tow-ers will be violated"

"Wink, I'll do the rest!"

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"

"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"

"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal ! "

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"2 + 2 =3D 5 for extremely large values of 2." (Huh???)

"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "

** A closed mouth gathers no feet.
** A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
** A penny saved is ridiculous.
** A penny saved is just another damn thing for the cat to knock off of the dresser.
** All that glitters has a high refractive index.
** Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
** Anarchy is better than no government at all.
** Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
** Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
** Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
** Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
** Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
** Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.
** Entropy isn't what it used to be.
** Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
** God did not create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
** Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
** Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
** Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
** History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
** It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
** It works better if you plug it in.
** It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
** Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
** Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
** Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
** Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
** Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
** The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

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