TWO NEW ELEMENTS IN THE PERIODIC TABLE
There are two new elements in the periodic table.
Element: WOMAN
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime.
Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and
precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of wealth.
Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
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Yet Another New Element on the Periodic Table
Element: MAN
Symbol: XY
Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*!
Atomic Weight: 180+/-100
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly
dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are
unable to conduct electricity as easily as young fresh samples.
Chemical properties: Attempt to bond with Wo and chance it can get. Also, tends to
form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (element kid) for a
prolonged period of time. Pretty basic. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large
quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
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ANOTHER VERSION OF THE ABOVE
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€Element: Woman
€Symbol: W
€Discovered: Adam
€Atomic Mass: Accepted as53.6Kg but may vary from 40Kg to 200Kg
€Occurrence: Copious quantitie in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1.Surface usually covered with a painted film
2.Boils at various temperatures, freezes without any known reason
3.Melts if given special treatment
4.Bitter if incorrectly used
5.Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
6.Yields to pressure applied to correct points
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1.Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2.Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3.May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason
4.Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
5.Most powerful money reducing agent know to man
COMMON USES
1.Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2.Can be a great aid in relaxation
3.Very effective cleaning agent
TESTS
1.Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in its natural state
2.Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
POTENTIAL HAZARDS
1.Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2.Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different
locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.
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