TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE X-MAS
>> 'Twas the night before Christmas, and God
it was neat.
>> The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
>> The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook,
>> It was time for some for some pussy, fuck reading that book.
>> Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude,
>> Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
>> When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
>> That I lost my boner and momma went dry.
>> Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
>> Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
>> The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
>> Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
>> When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
>> But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
>> With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
>> A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
>> Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite
>> And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
>> "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, hey Dickfore, whoa Putz,
>> Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts."
>> "Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
>> Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
>> They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
>> Just as Santa leaned out and puked on my shrub.
>> And then from the roof we heard something splatter,
>> As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
>> I put on my jacket to cover my ass,
>> When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
>> His suit was all covered with dip spit galore,
>> He looked like a bum and smelled like a whore.
>> "I'm all fuckin' shit-canned ," he said with a smile,
>> "And Rudolf was farting the last half-a mile."
>> He walked to the kitchen, for himself poured a drink,
>> Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
>> I started to laugh, as my wife turned around.
>> Santa was hung half way to the ground.
>> Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
>> But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
>> The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
>> The next was a manual on how to pop zits.
>> A dime bag of reefer was Santa's next find,
>> And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
>> A boarding school pisser, a penis extension,
>> And several other things that I can't even mention.
>> A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
>> And a bong that was wrapped with aluminium foil.
>> "This stuff's not for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
>> So I'll leave it all here, and then I'll just split."
>> He filled both our stockings, looked at my wife's cleave.
>> And tucked my son's crack pipe up under his sleeve.
>> He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
>> Made it out of the chimney, on my roof smacked his head.
>> In time he was seated, took the reigns of his hitch,
>> Saying, "Take me home, Rudolph, the night's been a bitch!"
>> The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
>> "The best thing about college, is that the beer won't run out!"