TOP 24 REASONS YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE YOU'VE HAD SEX

24. You've been telling outrageous lies about your sex life- to your diary.
23. The last time you heard heavy breathing, it was changing a hefty load of kitty litter.
22. You're starting to fold and save shopping bags.
21. Last months gas bill from cooking romantic candlelit dinners for 2 came to 76 cents.
20. Your long for steamier ways to work your major muscle groups than hitting NordicTrak and pushing a shopping cart.
19. You waltz with your teddy bear.
18. When pulled over for speeding, you talk your way into a ticket so you can get the cute cop's name.
17. Your all caught up on your reading.
16. You toasted last New Year's Eve by clinking your champagne glass against the makeup mirror.
15. Your safe-deposit box contains a will, some jewelry, and your diaphram.
14. After making sure he doesn't have caller ID, youd dail an ex's # just to hear his voice.
13. When your boss asks you to stay late, you don't mind.
12. In bed, you wear wool socks to keep your feet warm.
11. You show up at your 10-year college reunion with your father.
10. You've kept a telemarketer on the line because he sounded unattached.
9. When you send a dish back at a restaurant, you go along to check out the chef.
8. Occasionally, you go out of your way to help little old (but still natty) men across the street- then ask what they're doing for dinner.
7. The only way you achieve your target heart rate is by working ATM machines.
6. Lately, you've been thinking about sex at inappropriate moments: (1) while watching Niteline (2) while waiting for the next available customer-service representative.
5. The last time you saw a naked man, he was being chased by the police.
4. That spooky early-morning sqeaking sound is your toothbrush crying out for a mate.
3. You can't recall when you last felt someting go bump in the night.
2. Having the TV clicker all to yourself is no longer arousing.
1. Kinky sex means: you, Ben, and Jerry.