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Votes:3Rating:Rating = 3.00

THE TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE BEING STALKED BY MARTHA STEWART

"From The Top 5 List, www.topfive.com -- Copyright 1999, Chris White"

10. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9. That tell-tale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

8. On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.

7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal and saffron demi-glace, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.

6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5. You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4. No matter where you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart:

1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

Forgive me rabbi for I have sinned.  It's been 27 years since my last confession.1 On March 8th, 1999, I received notification that several of my humor documents were "From The Top 5 List, www.topfive.com -- Copyright 1999, Chris White"  For a couple of years I have been a fan of Chris White and his Top 5 List.  I also regret to announce that far too many hours of my life have been spent at his web site.  Do I regret it?  Of course not, it's a great website with hilarious content.  So, to help make up for the time I incorrectly took credit for his copywritten material, I'd like to ask everyone reading this to check out his site.....you will not regret it !!  Go to http://www.topfive.com !!

1 (Plagiarizing, humor thief Brian Mirsky just happens to be 27 years old.)

Votes:3Rating:Rating = 3.00

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