In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best:

Limbaughium Lb  -  The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.

Billclintium Bc  -  With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of interesting changes when in hot water.

Canadium Eh  -  Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called Boron.

Innofensium Pc  -  Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.

Newtium Sh  -  Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.

Quaylium Vp  -  Einsteinium it ain't.

Budweisium Ps  -  Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.

Cabmium Cb  -  Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it.

Politicium Po  -  Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal concentrations in the House.

Congress Cg  -  Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.

Snot Sn  -  Self explanatory