Subject: Warning: consumption of alcohol may lead to more consumption
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are
not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over
and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really
dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to
your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see
something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on
the forehead.
5.5 WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to lose your wallet, car keys, and
car.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, more
handsome and smarter than some really, really big guy named Biff.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum,
whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
