AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never
really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like
Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in
a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced,
it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it
appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now
comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each,
which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people
are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered
by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one
from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to
ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice
on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat
slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them
up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International
Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the
different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to
open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which
case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking
Unix Beer for several years.
BSD stout: Deep, hearty, and an acquired taste. The official brewer has released the
recipe, and a lot of home-brewers now use it.
Hurd beer: Long advertised by the popular and politically active GNU brewery, so far it
has more head than body. The GNU brewery is mostly known for printing complete brewing
instructions on every can, which contains hops, malt, barley, and yeast ... not yet
Linux brand: A recipe originally created by a drunken Finn in his basement, it has
since become the home-brew of choice for impecunious brewers and Unix beer-lovers
worldwide, many of whom change the recipe.
POSIX ales: Sweeter than lager, with the kick of a stout; the newer batches of a lot of
beers seem to blend ale and stout or lager.
Solaris brand: A lager, intended to replace Sun brand stout. Unlike most lagers, this
one has to be drunk more slowly than stout.
Sun brand: Long the most popular stout on the Unix market, it was discontinued in favor
of a lager.
SysV lager: Clear and thirst-quenching, but lacking the body of stout or the sweetness
VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping.
However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like
Windows 3.1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink
several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very
slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time.
Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
Windows 95 Beer: A lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can
looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz.
cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people
will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and
say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the
same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is
an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like
Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows
95 Beer's -- after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial
strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.