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Vanderbilt: Two

One to call the electrician and one to call daddy on the cell phone to pay the bill


Princeton: Two

One to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician


Brown: Eleven

One to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience


Dartmouth: None

Hanover doesn't have electricity


Cornell: Two

One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure


Penn: Only one

But he gets six credits for it


Columbia: Seventy-six

One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest


Yale: None

New Haven looks better in the dark


Harvard: One

He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him


MIT: Five

One to design a nuclear powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch


Vassar: Eleven

One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation


Middlebury: Five

One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J.Crew outfit to wear for the occasion


Stanford: One, dude


Oberlin: Three

One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old one


Holy Cross: Ten

One to change it, one back up if the first guy's too drunk and the other eight to pray that it works


Georgetown: Four

One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and two to throw the old bulb at the American U. students


Duke: A whole frat

But only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb out of the socket


Williams: The whole student body

When you're snowed in, there's nothing else to do


Tufts: Two

One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as an Ivy League student


Sarah Lawrence: Five

One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it


Swarthmore: Eight

It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that they're all violently twitching from too much stress


Boston University: Four

One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework



Wesleyan's boycotting GE... you know, military-industrial complex and all that


Connecticut College: None

They are all too drunk to notice


Virginia: Thirteen

Ten to form student committee to vote on whether changing light bulbs is a violation of the Honor Code, one to change the bulb, one to hold the keg that he's standing on, and another to attribute electricity to Mr. Jefferson.


Bowdoin: Three

One to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in


Boston College: Seven

One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time


Santa Clara University: One

But you would never know about it because only Cal and Stanford gets press for changing their lightbulbs College

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