The language folks who brought us "Ebonics," have decided to pursue some of
the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang,
or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker
of this language would be a Hickophone. The following are excerpts from the
HEIDI - noun. Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My
brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother
from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A
tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup
truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a
BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah
thank ah'll have a bare."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them
Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in
the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from
Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the
all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh
don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I
sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage:
"You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to
fat for are rats."
FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be
from some farn country."
DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe....give
'im some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war
JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh
got a job withthat bob war fence cump'ny?"
HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?"
"Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
SEED - verb, past tense of "to see".
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York,