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Proceeded by ten days of repentance, during which you learn about the faults of people around you. Proceeded by two weeks of hype, during which you learn about the faults of obscure athletes.
Fasting Purifies the soul. Snacking clogs the arteries.
Observant Jews worldwide stand and chant following the cues of their religous leaders. Football fans worldwide stand and cheer following the cues of John Madden.
Kol Nidre. Pre-Game Show.
Carrying money is forbidden. Billions of dollars gambled.
Everyone wants to know who shall be enscribed in the Book of Life. Everyone wants to know who'll be enscribed in the NFL Record Book.
Story of Jonah eaten by the whale retold each Yom Kippur. Story of Tarkenton eaten by the Pittsburgh defense retold each Super Bowl.
Millions of Jews attend services only on this day. Millions of people watch football only on this day.
Five separate services, lasting from 9:30 AM to sunset. Pre-Game show, Game and Post-Game show, lasting from 9:30 AM to 10:PM
Ends with final shofar blast, followed by lame benidiction corks, from Rabbi. Ends with popping of champagne followed by lame phone call from President.
Overpriced tickets. Overpriced tickets.
Wearing of leather shoes forbidden. Holding of pigskin encouraged.
People who observe it gently patronized by mainstream society as "our Jewish Friends". People who ignore it gently patronized by mainstream society as "out of touch geeks".
Key prayers repeated over and over. Key plays shown over and over using super slo-mo.
Dropping Torah scroll -- 40 days fast. Dropping football - 40 years as Super Scapegoat.
Traditional Jews forbid women from being called to the Torah. Traditional football coaches forbid women from their locker rooms.
Break the fast with a glass of wine. End the game by pouring Gatorade over winning coach.
Wailing in agony over your misdeeds. Wailing in agony over referee's miscalls.
Follows New Year. Follows New Year.
Congregants wear tallisim. Players wear shoulder pads.
Jews beat themselves on the chest. Players pat teammates on ass.

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