STILL TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO DISCUSS THE STARR REPORT WITH YOUR PRESCHOOLERS?

TRY THIS DR. SUESS VERSION.

THE BUBBA OF SCUZ

AND THE BIMBO OF LOO

WERE SHARING A PIZZA

WITH NOTHING TO DO.

THEY SAT AND THEY TALKED

ALTHOUGH LITTLE WAS SAID,

SO THEY DABBLED IN

BUMBLEFUNUMPUS INSTEAD.

(WHICH CANNOT BE EXPLAINED

AND IS NEVER POLITE

WHETHER DONE IN THE DAYLIGHT

OR DARKNESS OF NIGHT.)

BUT THE BUBBA OF SCUZ

WAS A LOYALTY SCOUT

WHICH MEANT THAT WITH BIMBOS,

THUMPING WAS OUT

THE LOYALTY SCOUTS

(AN UNUSUAL BREED)

THOUGHT THAT TELLING THE TRUTH

WAS THE BEST OF GOOD DEEDS

IF YOU EVER SLIPPED

INTO TROUBLE SO DEEP

THAT YOU THOUGHT THAT A LIE

WAS THE BEST WAY TO KEEP

YOUR BRAINS IN YOUR HEAD

AND YOUR SEAT IN YOUR PANTS,

A LOYALTY SCOUT WOULD SAY

"DON'T TAKE THE CHANCE!"

A SPLONGER NAMED KEN

HAS BEEN WATCHING THE GLADE

WHERE THE BUBBA AND BIMBO

FUNUMPED IN THE SHADE.

"AT LAST" SAID THE SPLONG

(A RESPONSIBLE GUY),

"I NOW HAVE WHAT I NEED

TO ENTICE HIM TO LIE.

THE BUBBA OF SCUZ

WAS PRESSURED TO TELL

OF THE THINGS HE HAD DONE

IN THE GLADE BY THE DELL.

"DID YOU YERT WITH PALOOKAS?

OR MUFF WITH SOME GOOPATS?

I HEARD THAT YOU FLEEGERED

A BLOOPER WITH GNATS!"

"I HAVE DONE NO SUCH THING."

SAID THE BUBBA OF SCUZ.

"THOSE THINGS AREN'T THE THINGS

THAT A SCUZ BUBBA DOES."

"BUT WHAT ABOUT BIMBOS?"

INQUIRED THE SPLONG.

"FUNUMPING WITH BIMBOS

IS EQUALLY WRONG!"

"I NEVER FUNUMPED

WITH THE BIMBO OF LOO,

IF YOU SAY THAT I DID,

WHAT YOU SAY ISN'T TRUE."

EXCEPT THAT IT WAS,

BRINGING BUBBA UP SHORT,

WHEN THE SPLONGER NAMED KEN MADE HIS FINAL REPORT.

SO TAKE THIS ADVICE

WHEN YOUR FEELING ASHAMED:

STICK TO THE TRUTH

OR YOU'LL WIND UP DEFAMED.

THE LOYALTY SCOUTS

WILL MUSTER YOU OUT,

YOUR GOOD FRIENDS WILL WONDER

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT,

AND HISTORY'S SCRIBERS,

REMEMBERING YOU,

WILL SKIP ALL THE GOOD

YOU ENDEAVORED TO DO.

LIKE THE BUBBA OF SCUZ

WHO, 'TIL HISTORY'S END,

WILL BE LINKED TO HIS BIMBO