Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a
movie; she accepts and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her our to
dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and
after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when
they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says
it alound; "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for
exactly six months?" And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a
very loud silence. She thinks to herself "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I
said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm
trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure
of."
And Roger is thinking; "Gosh, six months."
And Elaine is thinking; "But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think
about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward......I
mean, where ARE we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of
intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am
I really ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: "....so that means it was...let's see....February when we
started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealers, which
means.....lemme check the odometer.....Whoa!!! I am WAY overdue for an oil change
here."
And Elaine is thinking: "He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading
this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more
commitment; maybe he has sensed...even before I sensed it...that I was feeling some
reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything
about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected!
And Roger is thinking: "..and I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again.
I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try
to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out
and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves
$600."
And Elaine is thinking; "He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. I
feel so guilty putting him through this but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not
sure."
And Roger is thinking; "They'll probably say it's only a 90 day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs."
And Elaine is thinking; "Mabye I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to
come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person,
a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly
care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic
fantasy."
And Roger is thinking; "Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a darn
warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right...."
"Roger", Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she say, her eyes beginning to
brim with tears. "Maybe I should have never....Oh my, I feel so......."
(She breaks down sobbing.)
"Whaaaat?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I
really know that. It's silly. There's no knight and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer to something.
"It's just that....It's that I...I need some time." Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up
with a safe response. Finally he comes us with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh." says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very
nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she
speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says.
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, where she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and
weeps until dawn. Whereas, when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos,
turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match
between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his
mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty
sure there is no way he would ever understand what it was, and so he figures it's better
if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will
talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze
everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring
every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible
ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe
months, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and
Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown and say: "Norm, did Elanie ever own a
horse?"