T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks

I have good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year

Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night

The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny

Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money

And the kids these days - they all are the pits

They want the impossible ...Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them

They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!

If you think that's bad...just picture this

Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss

They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard

And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air...dodging the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

If there's no Christmas this year...you know the reason