TWO HOLIDAY RECIPES

If the first one doesn't do the trick, the second one certainly will !!   Enjoy !!

"Recipe for Christmas Joy"

Ingredients:

1/2 cup Hugs
4 tsp Kisses
2 cups Smiles
4 cups Love
1 cup Special Holiday Cheer
1/2 cup Peace on Earth
3 tsp Christmas Spirit
2 cups Goodwill Toward Man
1 Sprig of Mistletoe
1 medium-size bag of Christmas Snowflakes
(the regular kind won't do!)

Method:
Mix Hugs, Kisses, Smiles and Love until consistent.
Blend in Holiday Cheer, Peace on Earth, Christmas
Spirit and the Good Will toward Men. Use the mixture
to fill a large, warm heart, where it can be stored
for a lifetime. (It never goes bad!)
Serve as desired under mistletoe, sprinkled liberally
with special Christmas Snowflakes.
It is especially good when accompanied by Christmas
Carols and family get-togethers.
Serve to one and all.

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"Christmas Fruit Cake Recipe"

Ingredients:

1 Cup water
8 oz mixed nuts
1 Cup brown sugar
1 Cup butter
1 tsp. Salt
2 Cup dried fruit
4 large Eggs
Juice of 1 lemon
1 tea spoon baking powder
1 bottle bourbon

Method:
Sample the bourbon to check quality.
Take a large bowl.
Re-sample the bourbon to ensure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one tsp sugar and beat again.
Make sure the bourbon is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn on the mixerer.
Break two eggs and add to the bowl, chuck in the dried fruit.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loos with a drewscriver.
Sample the bourbon to check for tonsiscency.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares?
Check the bourbon.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you
can find.   Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turnerer.
Throw the bowl out of the window, check the bourbon again and go to bed.

Don't forget to wake up with a major hangover the next
morning and search the house for the fruitcake you so
painstakingly baked the night before.