IF MICROSOFT WERE JEWISH

1. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Ferklempt".
2. "Year 2000" issues are replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.
3. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Dreidels".
4. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
5. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
6. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go!  I'm not getting any younger!" button.
7. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - You're killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!".
8. When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's tuchis".
9. Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!".
10. Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.
11. You would hear the tune "Hava Nagila" during startup.
12. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that".
13. When running "scandisk", you will be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.
14. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud "Oy!!!".
15. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmutz" on your monitor.
16. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Schloffen."
17. Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.