ODE TO A REDNECK VALENTINE

>      Kudzu is green,
>      my dog's name is Blue
>      And I'm so lucky
>      to have a sweet thang like you.
>     
>      Yore hair is like cornsilk
>      A-flapping in the breeze.
>      Softer than Blue's
>      And without all them fleas.
>     
>      You move like the bass,
>      Which excite me in May.
>      You ain't got no scales
>      But I luv you anyway.
>     
>      You're as graceful as okry
>      Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
>      Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop
>      Right out of the can.
>     
>      You have all yore teeth,
>      For which I am proud;
>      I hold my head high
>      When we're in a crowd.
>     
>      On special occasions,
>      When you shave yore armpits,
>      Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
>      I'm plumb outta my wits.
>     
>      And speakin' of wits,
>      You've got plenty fer shore.
>      'Cuz you married me
>      Back in '74.
>     
>      Still them fellers at work
>      They all want to know,
>      What I did to deserve
>      Such a purty, young doe.
>     
>      Like a good roll of duct tape
>      Yo're there fer yore man,
>      To patch up life's troubles
>      And stick 'em in the can.
>     
>      Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
>      Racin' through the mud,
>      Yet fragile as that sanger
>      Named Naomi Judd.
>     
>      Yo're as cute as a junebug
>      A-buzzin' overhead.
>      You ain't mean like no far ant
>      Upon which I oft' tread.
>     
>      Cut from the best pattern
>      Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
>      You sparked up my life
>      Like a Rattletrap shad.
>     
>      When you hold me real tight
>      Like a padded gunrack,
>      My life is complete;
>      Ain't nuttin' I lack.
>     
>      Yore complexion, it's perfection,
>      Like the best vinyl sidin'.
>      Despite all the years,
>      Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
>     
>      And when you get old
>      Like a '57 Chevy,
>      Won't put you on blocks
>      And let grass grow up heavy.
>     
>      Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
>      With a RC cold drank,
>      We go together
>      Like a skunk goes with stank.
>     
>      Some men, they buy chocolate
>      For Valentine's Day;
>      They git it at Wal-Mart,
>      It's romantic that way.
>     
>      Some men git roses
>      On that special day
>      From the cooler at Kroger.
>      "That's impressive," I say.
>     
>      Some men buy fine diamonds
>      From a flea market booth.
>      "Diamonds are forever,"
>      They explain, suave and couth.
>     
>      But for this man, honey,
>      These will not do.
>      For you are too special,
>      You sweet thang you.
>     
>      I got you a gift,
>      Without taste nor odor,
>      Better than diamonds
>      it's a new ridin' mower.