LOVE IN THE 80'S
I was working part time in a five and dime. My boss was Mr. Magee. He was six
foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I was happy to be stuck
with him. One manic Monday, while I was busy working for the weekend, I overheard
him make a careless whisper. He told two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave
love a bad name. Well, I got so emotional, baby. I told him to say say say what he
wants, but don't play games with my heart. He told me it was hard for him to say
he's sorry and not to worry, to be happy. Then he blamed it on the rain. He was so
out of touch. It just took my breath away. I couldn't fight this feeling any
longer. I asked him "What's love got to do with it?" He told
me to get outta his store and his dreams and into my car.
So I figured I might as well jump. I cut footloose, went home and called my girl,
Jenny. (You already know the number) She was on the other line with Amanda.
They were talking about Mickey and how he was so fine. That blew my mind! Was
she really going out with him? I told her that I had just called to say I love her.
She told me she had been saving all her love for me, but now she was looking for a new
love - asta la vista, baby. I thought "I can't go for that - no can do! Bring me a
higher love!" I called up some of my old west end girls, hoping that one of
them would want to get physical all night long (all night). First I called Billie Jean -
she told me to beat it. I called Rosanna - her sister Christian blessed the rains
down in Africa and then hung up on me. Come on, Eileen! ... no answer. Nobody told
me there'd be days like these! I was feeling like the owner of a lonely heart. Then,
out of the blue, my best friend's girlfriend (she used to be mine) Roxanne calls.
Yes, the real Roxanne. She told me she still hadn't found what she's looking for and that
she wanted to take on me. I said "I thought you were Jessie's girl."
She said "Don't you want me? You don't have to put on the red light - I'm on my
own." What a feeling! I had the eye of the tiger. Who was I f-f-f-foolin?
Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else. She's a beauty! She blinded me with
science, and weird science at that. There was always something there to remind me of her
and I just knew that I'd have the time of my life. I wasn't about to la-di-da-di. I
jumped in my little red Corvette and rocked down to Electric Avenue. I got my mind
set on her. When I got to her house (in the middle of her street) I ran.
I rapped on her front door and to this rapper's delight, I heard a voice say
"Who can it be now?" "Here I am, the one that you love", I
replied. I let my love open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes. I felt
like a virgin touched for the very first time. She loosened her blouse and said "Rock
me Amadeus!" Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a move. I told
her "I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the
wolf. Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder.
"Turn around bright eyes!" said a familiar voice. As I did, Jessie hit
me with a sledgehammer of an uppercut that spun me right round like a record. He was
hangin' tough and continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from beneath my wings
-broken wings by this time. He rocked me tonight, for old time's sake, beating me
from head to toe, until my true colors were black and blue and blood was spilling from my
mouth like red, red wine. "You don't owe me money for nothing!" he snarled. At
this point I was livin' on a prayer. I crawled back to my little red Corvette and
drove home thinking about how my tainted love had cut like a knife - how it seems that
every rose, truly, has its thorn. No longer do I want to know what love is.