WOMAN'S INSTRUCTION BOOKLET

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

2. Remember that you are known by the idiot you accompany.

3. Don't imagine you can change a man-unless he's in diapers.

4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You lock the door behind him.

5. So many men-so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

6. If they can put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.

7. Tell him you're not his type-you have a pulse.

8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

9. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.

10. Never sleep with a man who has named his penis.

11. You might as well go for younger men. They never mature, anyway.

12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.

13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself type.

16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they're too old for it.

17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years, proving that even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.

20. If he asks what sort of books you like, tell him checkbooks.

21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh, alright, I'll stay the night."

22. Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with.

23. Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

24. If he asks you if you're faking it, tell him no, you're just practicing.

25. Sadly, all men are created equal.

26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him, "You may be. You look familiar.