A LETTER FROM DAD'S SCHOOL
Dear Mr. Cameron:
As a courtesy, we are sending you a copy of this letter we recently wrote your 15 year old
daughter in response to a query we received from her.
Dear Ms. Cameron.
Thank you for your letter. Yes, we are pleased to report, your father's old high school is
still standing and our library was able to find yearbooks dating "all the way
back" to his graduation. In fact, a few teachers even remember your father, which I
will get to in a moment.
In answer to your first question: In every picture extant of your father he is well
shod, wearing what I believe were called "earth shoes" back then. Also,
the weather here is moderate, with snow generally lasting from December until March-hardly
the entire school year. Thus his descriptions of the conditions under which he
"struggled" to school in the morning do, as you suggested, seem a bit
exaggerated. In fact, our bus logs are (remarkably) still intact, revealing that not only
was your father a registered passenger, but that his parents paid the extra ten dollars a
month for door-to-door delivery.
I am sure there were days when your father was very "sharply dressed," as you
state he puts it, but in every single photograph I was able to uncover he is wearing
exactly the same thing: bell bottom blue jeans with white strings trailing from the edges
onto the floor, horizontal rents in the knees, and no belt buckle. His T-shirt
displays a message easily communicated with hand gestures. His hair hangs past his
shoulders and looks as if it was exposed to a lot of wind - perhaps he rode the school bus
with the window open.
As to academics and "concentrating on the basics," one must remember the times:
the "basics" back then may very well have embraced some of your father's
elective subjects, which included "Personal Citizenship", "Ecology",
and one which apparently was called "Relevance". We have no record of
what, if anything, was taught in these classes. What records we do have show that
your father did indeed take Geometry, just as he claims. In fact, he took it his sophomore
year, repeated it his junior year and repeated the course again his senior year - Geometry
was required for graduation.
Now as to Mr. Muggins, who had your father in a class called "Problems of Modern
Relationships." Mr. Muggins does not wish to dispute the claim that your father
always had his homework done early, he merely wants to point out that no matter when it
was done, it was always handed in late. In fact, your father sticks out in Mr. Muggins's
mind as having the most outrageous excuses for being unprepared, including having to
evacuate his home because it was infected with the China Syndrome.
Your father was not, sad to say, President of the Student Council. Perhaps he is confusing
student government with a social group called "The Slackers," which Mr. Muggins
recalls was a group of boys who sat in the hallway and made loud groaning noises whenever
an attractive girl strode past. Your father was assistant vice president of the club, and,
to our knowledge, is the only past member not currently serving time in a federal
One thing IS completely verifiable: your father's name is, indeed, carved above the door
to the school. Please advise that, now that we have noticed it, we will need to have
it sanded out and refinished, at a cost of approximately three hundred dollars. We
would appreciate it if your father would agree to pay for the damage without having to
The honor roll to which he apparently referred is not above the door, it hangs outside my
office. I will leave unanswered the question as to whether his name is upon it.
Thank you very much for your letter, which we found most amusing. Be sure to tell
your father hello from Mr. Muggins.
Vice Principal Smith