"THE PARROT WHO SPOKE YIDDISH"
MEYER, A LONELY WIDOWER, WAS WALKING HOME ALONG DELANCEY STREET ONE DAY WISHING
SOMETHING WONDERFUL WOULD HAPPEN INTO HIS LIFE WHEN HE PASSED A PET STORE AND HEARD A
SQUAWKING VOICE SHOUTING OUT IN YIDDISH:
"QUAWWWK... VUS MACHT DU...YEAH, YOU... OUTSIDE, STANDING LIKE A
SMUCK... EH?" MEYER RUBBED HIS EYES AND EARS. HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! HE STOOD IN
FRONT OF AN AFRICAN GREY PARROT THAT COCKED HIS LITTLE HEAD AND SAID: "VUS? KENST
REDDIN YIDDISH?" MEYER TURNED EXCITEDLY TO THE STORE OWNER. "THE PARROT SPEAKS
YIDDISH?" "WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? CHINESE MAYBE?" IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS,
MEYER PAID FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS AND CARRIED THE PARROT IN HIS CAGE AWAY WITH HIM.
ALL NIGHT HE TALKED WITH THE PARROT IN YIDDISH. HE TOLD THE PARROT ABOUT
HIS FATHER'S ADVENTURES COMING TO AMERICA. ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL HIS MOTHER WAS WHEN SHE WAS
A YOUNG BRIDE. ABOUT HIS FAMILY. ABOUT HIS YEARS OF WORKING IN THE GARMENT CENTER. ABOUT
FLORIDA. THE PARROT LISTENED AND COMMENTED. THEY SHARED SOME WALNUTS. THE PARROT TOLD HIM
OF LIVING IN THE PET STORE, HOW HE HATED THE WEEKENDS. THEY BOTH WENT TO SLEEP.
NEXT MORNING, MAYER BEGAN SAYING HIS PRAYERS. THE PARROT DEMANDED TO
KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING AND WHEN MEYER EXPLAINED, THE PARROT WANTED TO PRAY TOO. MEYER WENT
OUT AND HAND-MADE A MINIATURE YARMULKE FOR THE PARROT. THE PARROT WANTED TO LEARN TO READ
HEBREW SO MEYER SPENT WEEKS AND MONTHS, SITTING AND TEACHING THE PARROT , TEACHING HIM
TORAH. IN TIME, MEYER CAME TO LOVE AND COUNT ON THE PARROT AS A FRIEND AND A JEW. HE WAS
LONELY NO MORE.
ONE MORNING, ON ROSH HASHANAH, MEYER ROSE AND GOT DRESSED AND WAS ABOUT
TO LEAVE WHEN THE PARROT DEMANDED TO GO WITH HIM. MEYER EXPLAINED THAT A SYNAGOGUE WAS NOT
A PLACE FOR A BIRD BUT THE PARROT MADE A TERRIFIC ARGUMENT AND WAS CARRIED TO THE
SYNAGOGUE ON MEYER'S SHOULDER. NEEDLESS TO SAY, THEY MADE QUITE A SPECTACLE, AND MEYER WAS
QUESTIONED BY EVERYONE, INCLUDING THE RABBI. AT FIRST, HE REFUSED TO ALLOW A BIRD INTO THE
BUILDING ON THE HIGH HOLY DAYS BUT MEYER CONVINCED HIM TO LET HIM IN THIS ONE TIME,
SWEARING THAT PARROT COULD PRAY. WAGERS WERE MADE WITH MEYER. THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WERE
BET(EVEN ODDS) THAT THE PARROT COULD NOT PRAY, COULD NOT SPEAK YIDDISH OR HEBREW, ETC. ALL
EYES WERE ON THE AFRICAN GREY DURING SERVICES.
THE PARROT PERCHED ON MEYER'S SHOULDER AS ONE PRAYER AND SONG PASSED
MEYER HEARD NOT A PEEP FROM THE BIRD. HE BEGAN TO BECOME ANNOYED, SLAPPING AT HIS SHOULDER
AND MUMBLING UNDER HIS BREATH, "PRAY ALREADY!" THE PARROT SAID NOTHING.
"PRAY... PARROT, YOU CAN PRAY, SO PRAY... COME ON, EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU!"
THE PARROT SAID NOTHING. AFTER ROSH HASHANAH SERVICES WERE CONCLUDED, MEYER FOUND THAT HE
OWED HIS SYNAGOGUE BUDDIES AND THE RABBI OVER FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. HE MARCHED HOME,
MONUMENTALLY TICKED OFF, SAYING NOTHING. FINALLY SEVERAL BLOCKS FROM THE TEMPLE THE BIRD
BEGAN TO SING AN OLD YIDDISH SONG AND WAS HAPPY AS A LARK. MEYER STOPPED AND LOOKED AT
HIM. "YOU MISERABLE BIRD, YOU COST ME OVER FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. WHY? AFTER I TAUGHT
YOU THE MORNING PRAYERS, AND TAUGHT YOU TO READ HEBREW AND THE TORAH. AND AFTER YOU BEGGED
ME TO BRING YOU TO A SYNAGOGUE ON ROSH HASHANAH, WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?"
"DON'T BE A SCHMUCK," THE PARROT REPLIED. "THINK OF THE
ODDS ON YOM KIPPUR!"
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