It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen
up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social
thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself, but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I
couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid old friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau,
and hang out with thinking buddies. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" Things weren't going so great at
home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of
life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said,
"Morris, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real
problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking, I'm hooked..." "I know
you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she
said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college
professors don't make much money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any
money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to
cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I
roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The
library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra,
a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous (TA)
Which is why I am what I am today; a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At
each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then
we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I also avoid
people who think. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
....and YOU be a pal...Don't THINK and Drive !