To Speak About Women And Be Politically Correct:
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
How To Talk About Men And Still Be Politically Correct:
He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He doesn't GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENT.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.