1. Fatten up your closest friends. You may need them later...
2. Run to the bank and withdraw as much cash as you can carry. Be sure to yell,
"I'm going to the bank to withdraw as much cash as I can carry"
3. Have a ski mask and baseball bat handy. You won't want to miss out on all the
4. Dig an underground bomb shelter. If there is no nuclear disaster, at least you'll
have an underground bomb shelter. How cool is that?!
5. Protect your water supply. Put a drop of yellow food coloring in every container.
6. Get some carrier pigeons. They'll be your best form of communication. They also
taste like chicken.
7. Get one of those Indiglo Watches. When we have the big power failure who's gonna
know what time it is? You are, that's who.
8. Buy lots of Spam. It will be the world's new currency.
9. Punch a computer programmer. Why? Why not.
10. Have plenty of clean towels. It's not specific to any millennial disaster, but when
have you ever not needed clean towels?
11. Get used to changing the channel by hand. Remote controls will be totally
12. Stock up on cat food. No, it's not for feeding cats - It's for catching them-if you
know what I mean.
13. Have plenty of sharp #2 pencils on hand. Due to computing errors, you may have to
re-take your SAT or ACT.
14. Throw out your microwave and VCR. On January 1st,they may come alive and try to
15. Collect all the spoons you can. Why? Because right now spoons are everywhere. But
after January 1st, who knows?
16. Move to Canada. Nothing bad ever happens to those guys.
17. Visit a fertility clinic. It may be up to you alone to replenish the earth.
18. Make friends with the Amish. Because after December 31st, we're all Amish.
19. Hunker down. Then hunker down some more. We just like to say "Hunker
Down". Try it, you'll like it.
20. Break it to your kids that the world may end. Start by telling them there is no
Santa Claus. That way, the news wont seem so bad.
21. Save all your Christmas Wrapping It doubles as toilet paper.
22. Crawl into the fetal position and practice screaming: we're all gonna die. We're
all gonna die.
23. Stock up on earplugs so you don't have to listen to "we're gonna party like
it's 1999" one more time!