I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you
don't have to go along.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't
that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the
Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell
possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of
by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you
care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the
You're getting old when your spouse gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the
4th of July.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do
anything the night before.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news --
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.