This guy came up to me in a bar and said, "Hey Cupcake, can I buy you a drink?" I said, "No, but I'll take the three bucks." -- Margaret Smith

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. -- Jules Renard

If love is the answer, can you rephrase the question? -- Lily Tomlin

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it. -- Phyllis Diller

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends. -- Bobby Kelton

Love is an exploding cigar which we willingly smoke. -- Lynda Barry

A lot of people wonder how you know you're in love. Just ask yourself this one question: "Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?" -- Ronnie Shakes

My parents have been married for fifty years. I asked my mother how they did it. She said, "You just close your eyes and pretend it's not happening." -- Rita Rudner

I date this girl for two years and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name." -- Mike Binder

I joined a singles group in my neighborhood. The other day the president called me up and said, "Welcome to the group. I want to find out what kind of activities you like to plan." I said, "Well, weddings." -- Lynn Harris

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?-- Groucho Marx

I don't think of myself as single. I'm romantically challenged. -- Stephanie Piro

A lot of break-up songs have the same theme--the guy sings, "Baby, you're seeing somebody new now and if he treats you bad, I'll always be here for you 'cause I love you very much."