Vets office:

"all unattended children given free kitten"

Plumber:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:

"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's Hotline:

"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a Towing Company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:

"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an Electricians truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room Door:

"Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrists Office

"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

On a fence:

"Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"

Inside a Bowling Alley:

"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home:

"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselors office: