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YOU KNOW YOU NEED A NEW CAR WHEN....

You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.

You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift.

The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.

The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.

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