Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By
taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following
practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do
these simple practice exercises right in your home.
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box.
Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the
door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first
time wasn't effective enough.
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect.
Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under
the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is
sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the
room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the book-ends together as hard
as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
You are now properly prepared.