A LETTER FROM MARTHA
Hi Erma:
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I
have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn
wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in
peach and mauve. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA
that I had just sitting around in my craft room.
By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast
guests. I'm serving the old standard, Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in
on a little secret. I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I
used the ones I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the
holidays. So I repainted the room in pink and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then,
while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes
(exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian
clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm wearing for
breakfast.
I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries
on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long. I have
40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. It's a
good thing!
Love, Martha Stewart
P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked
the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries which I grew, picked and crushed
last week just for this.
Response from Erma Bombeck:
I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list. Pay no attention to the coffee
and jelly stains. I'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school, packing a lunch
with one hand, while on the phone with the dog pound. Seems old Ruff needs bailing out
again.
Burned my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries -
how DO they do that?
Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable
razor. Trashed the tablecloth. Tried the cranberry thing; frozen cranberries mushed up
after I defrosted them in the microwave. Oh, and don't use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute
in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade that
resembles puke!-----Smoke alarm is going off; talk to ya later.
Love, Erma
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