HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror-make mental note-must do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10.Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).

11.Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12.Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13.Turn off shower.

14.Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15.Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16.Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.

17.Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18.If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.