EMBARRASSING MOMENTS IN LIFE
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
39, Seguin, TX
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was
throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I
told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right
in front of our guest.
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself
in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and
took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each
of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was
shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror
- wearing nothing but a camera!
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the
women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one
of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As
we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any
help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
sister has never let me forget.
34, Ellerslie, MD
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up
energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had
gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As
we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my
girlfriend that I give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to
miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,
"SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my
friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and
embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has
planned a surprise party again.
Poughkeepsie, New York
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a
long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine
her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough,
but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax"
for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN
WITH A HAMMER?"
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around,
scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going
on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and
he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to
phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his
class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I
thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed. "I did," he said,
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up