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Before - You take my breath away.

After - I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before - Twice a night.

After - Twice a month.

Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.

After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.

Before - Ricky & Lucy.

After - Fred & Ethel.

Before - Saturday Night Live.

After - Monday Night Football.

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.

After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

Before - Don't Stop.

After - Don't Start.

Before - The Sound of Music.

After - The Sound of Silence.

Before - Is that all you are eating?

After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

Before - Wheel of Fortune.

After - Jeopardy.

Before - It's like living a dream.

After - It's a nightmare.

Before - $60/dozen.

After - $1.50/stem.

Before - Turbocharged.

After - Needs a jump-start

Before - We agree on everything!

After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before - Victoria's Secret.

After - Fruit of the Loom.

Before - Feathers & handcuffs.

After - Ball and chain.

Before - Idol.

After - Idle.

Before - He's lost without me.

After - Why can't he ask for directions?

Before - When together, time stands still.

After - This relationship is going nowhere.

Before - Croissant and cappuccino.

After - Bagels and instant coffee.

Before - Oysters.

After - Fishsticks.

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.

After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?

Before - Romeo and Juliet.

After - Bill and Hillary

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