(LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
"Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these
dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own X-terminal and UNIX
documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series. The Barbie clothing
includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a
Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket
protectors and HP calculators optional.)
The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without blinking her
eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly
consists of technical terms such as "What's you're Internet address?", "I
like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten trashed," "Can't
you grep that file?", and "DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"
"We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen, Marketing
Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage incurred by the
mathophobic Barbie." (A year ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that say, "Math
is hard," with a condescending companion Ken.) The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an
incompetent management consultant who frequently asks Barbie for help.
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie dolls. Naomi
Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally terminate the notion that
womyn are inherently inferior when it comes to mathematics and the sciences. However, I
feel that Ken's hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress
the masses." Mattel made no comment.