* No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

* Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

* Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

* Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.

* Some dismemberment may occur.

* Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man.

* Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast -- especially when you've already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale -- may result in bodily