BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no
jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD &POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11
for toilet paper and cigarettes.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- Religious guy who talks to God.