A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element has been named Bushcronium.
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and
224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an Atomic mass of 311. These 311
particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by
vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,
as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount
of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would
normally take less than a second.
Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcroniumís
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which
radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it
has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.