The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But," she says, "I'm checking my answers."

A blonde got on a plane for Las Vegas & sat in 1st class. The flight attendant checked her ticket & said she was booked in coach. The blonde would not move and said she was blonde,beautiful & going to Las Vegas. A second flight attendant spoke to her ---she refused to move & said she was blonde,beautiful & going to Las Vegas.Then they asked the pilot to tell her to move and she told him the same thing refusing to move. The pilot then whispered something in her ear & she got up and went into coach. The attendants asked him what he said to her--- he said he told the blonde that 1st class didn't stop in Las Vegas.
Petishun
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side. We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff. Sined by the blonds at the ofise
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(sine with a pensel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)
What do you call 10 blondes standing in a row? -- A wind tunnel
Why do blondes have long bangs? -- To hide the inscription 'Inflate to 50 pounds.'
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? -- "I hope it's not mine!"
What does a blonde do the first thing in the morning? -- Go home.
How can you confuse a blonde? -- Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to pick out the '3's and the 'E's.
Do you know why a blonde's brain is the size of a quarter? -- Because it is swollen.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? -- Gifted.
Why do blondes put 'TGIF' on their shoes? -- To remind them 'Toes Go In First.'
What does a blonde wear behind her ears to attract men? -- Her ankles!!
Why do blondes where hoop earrings? -- So they'll have a place to rest their ankles.
How do you know a blonde has been using your computer? -- There is White-out on the screen.
Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence? -- To see what was on the other side.
How do you drown a blonde? -- Put a scratch & sniff on the bottom of a pool.
Why are blondes boobs square? -- She forgot to take the kleenex out of the box.
How did the blonde brake her arm raking leaves? -- Fell out of the tree.
What does a blond and a screen door have in common? -- The more you bang them, the looser they get.
What does a bleach blonde and a 747 have in common? -- They both have a black box.
What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? -- When they are on their backs they are screwed.
What do you do when a blonde terrorist throws a grenade at you? -- Pull the pin and throw it back!
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747? -- Not everyone's been in a 747!
What's the difference between a parrot and a blonde? -- You can teach a parrot to say "No!"
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday? -- Tell her a joke on Friday.
How do you make a blonde girl's eyes sparkle? -- Hold a flashlight up to her ear.
What did the blonde say after her boyfriend blew in her ear? -- "Thanks for the re-fill!"
How does a blonde turn he lights on after having sex? -- Opens the car door.
How does a blonde hold her liquor? -- By his ears.
What does a computer and a blonde have in common? -- You never appreciate one until it goes down on you.
What is a blonde girl's mating call? -- "I'm so drunk."
How can you tell if a blonde is a gourmet cook? -- If the pop tarts aren't broken
What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes? -- An interpreter.
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? -- Artificial intelligence.
Why do blondes where their hair high or Why do blondes use so much hair spray? -- So they can catch everything that goes over their head.
What is the mating call of the brunette? -- "Has the blonde slut gone home yet?"
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? -- 10, one to make the batter and 9 to peel the M&Ms.
What does a blonde say after sex? -- "Are all you guys on the same team?"
Hear about the blonde who worked at the M&M factory? -- She was fired for rejecting all the 'W's.
What does a blonde use her panties for? -- Ankle warmers.
How many sorority blondes does it take to change a flat tire? -- 9, one to do it, one to call daddy, three to make a party shirt, and four to sing about it.
Why do blondes where shoulder pads? -- So they don't hurt themselves when they say "I don't know." (said while rocking head side to side)
What's this? (blowing hair in face by waving hands) -- A blonde refueling.
What do you call 3 blondes in a corner? -- An air pocket!
What do you call a blonde behind the steering wheel of a car? -- An air bag!
What's the difference between bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? -- There have actually been sightings of bigfoot!
What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic? -- They know how many men went down on the Titanic!
If a blonde and a brunette jump out of an air plane at the same time, which one would hit
the ground first? -- The brunette; the blonde would have to stop and ask directions!
Why don't blondes take coffee breaks? -- Because it takes too long to retrain them!
Why do blondes like cars with tilt-steering? -- More head room.
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? -- So you can park in the handicapped.
Why do blondes where green lipstick? -- Because red means stop!
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? -- One is a busy ditch!!
Why did they stop doing the wave a Drillers Stadium? -- Blondes kept showing up with their surfboards.
How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? -- Unfertilized.
How do you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? -- If she has a tampon stuck behind her ear and can't remember what she did with her pencil.
A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street when the brunette noticed a dead bird on the ground, she said to the blonde: "Look, a dead bird," the blonde looked up in the air and said: "where?".
What does a blonde and a cow-pie have in common? -- The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Why don't blondes like to make Kool-aid? -- They can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water into the little packages.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? -- They are empty from the neck up.
What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? -- A brain tumor.
How does a blonde practice safe sex? -- She locks the car door.
What does a blonde and a 747 have in common? -- They both have a cockpit.
How do you measure a blonde's IQ? With a tire guage!

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.

A smart blonde, a dumb blonde, Santa Claus, and the Easter bunny were walking along when they saw $100. Who got the money? The dumb blonde because the other three don't exist.

How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.

How can you tell blondes are so bias?
They keep going, "Buy us this," "Buy us that."

What's the difference between the following two sounds: A punctured balloon and a blonde with a hole in her head?
None.

What sound does a blonde going through a flashing red light make?
Screech. Vrrmmm. Screech. Vrmmm.

Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant intelligence!

Why don't blondes like the S.A.T.?
It's too difficult to spell.

Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
So they remember 'Toe Goes in First'

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get all that water in the little package.

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice?
It said 'concentrate'

What's the first things blondes do in the morninng?
They go home!

17. What's a blonde's favorite saying?

Why did the Blond Lady smile during the lightning storm?
She thought someone was taking pictures!

What differance is there between a blonde and a trampoline??
Usually everyone takes their shoes off before getting on the trampoline

Q: What do you see when you look deep into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

How does a blonde differ from a brick?
a) The brick doesn't follow you around for a week after you lay
it......or...
b) The brick only gets laid once!!!

What's the definition of eternity?
Blondes driving all four cars paused at a four-way stop.

What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
A clogged wind pipe.

Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't fit the bottles into the typewriters.

Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer??
She fell into the sink.

Why are blondes and bowling balls different?
You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Why can't blondes get a driver's license?
Because every time the car stops, they jump in the back seat.

Q: Why is a blondes speed limit 68 mph?
A: Because at 69 she blows a rod....or...
What is the speed limit for sex?
68, because at 69 you stop to eat!!!

Two fleas that lived on opposite sides of the country decide to take a vacation together in Florida. While the first one is lying back in his lounge chair enjoying the sun, he looks up to see the other flea coming over to him shivering and shaking. "What happened to you?", he said. The other flea replied, "I had to catch a ride on the moustache of a Harley rider to get here". The other flea said to him. "This is what you do next time. Wait at a bus station for a beautiful woman that is travelling in the same direction as you and fly up her dress and tuck yourself in. it's nice and warm and very comfy". Well, the next year , they take a vacation again. The first flea looks up and sees his friend shivering and shaking again. "What happened to you", he said. His friend replied, "Well, I took your advice. I went to a bus station and flew up the dress of a beautiful blonde that was going my way. It was so nice and warm in there that I decided to take a nap. Next thing you know, I woke up on the moustache of a Harley rider!!!"

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor puts his stethescope up to the girls chest and says "big breaths" The girl replies "Yeth and I'm not even thixteen."

Why could'nt the blonde terrorist blow up the car?
She keeped burning her lips on the tail pipe.

Why do blondes wear ponytails?
To hide the valve stem.

Why don't blondes breast feed their babies?
It hurts too bad to boil the nipples.

How long does it take a blonde to drive from LA to NY?
About a year. Every time she sees a sign that says "Clean Restrooms", she does.

How come blondes have more fun?
They don't, their memory span is so short everything is new and exciting to them.!

why was the blonde on the roof?
she was told that "drinks are on the house!"

What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A thought.

What did Jesus say to the Blondes before he died?
Now, All of you play dumb until I get back!

What do blondes and pianos have in common?
If they're not upright, they're grand!

What do they call a blonde in a leather jacket?
... A rebel without a clue

What do you call a blonde from Paris?
A French Dip.

What do you call a virgin blonde?
Non existent

Q: Why doesn't a blonde eat pickles?
A: Because she usually finds the jar stuck on her head!

Why don't blondes like vibrators?....
Chips their teeth!

Q: What do you call 2 blondes driving down the road?
A: Air Bags!!

How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.

How do you confuse a blonde?
STICK EM IN A ROUND ROOM AND TELL THEM TO SIT AT THE CORNER

Why was the blonde upset when she looked at her driver's license? She saw
that she had an 'F' in sex.

What does a Blond do for security?
Hits the power door locks!

What's the first thing a blonde says when she wakes up in the morning?
So, what band are you guys in?

Why is a blonde like spam?
Both come cheap and both spread easy

How do make a blonde a brunette?
Turn her upside down.

What do you call a blonde that's standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath!
Whats blonde brunette blonde brunette blonde brunette???
A naked cheerleader doing cartweeles

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear with a brunette in the middle?
A wind tunnel with turbulence

What did the blonde's left leg say to the right?
Nothing, they never met.

A blonde goes in a bar. Tells the bartender "I'll have a fifteen." The bartender asks her "What's that?" She replies, "A seven and seven."

Why do blonds write T.G.I.F. on their shirts?
Tits go in front.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retreiver

Two blondes come across some tracks. The first one says, "Oh, look. Deer tracks." The second say, "Silly, those aren't deer tracks. They're bear tracks." "No," says the first, "deer tracks." "No, bear track." And they argue like this for a half hour until the train runs them over.

Why do blondes have black and blue belly buttons?
Beacuse they have blonde boyfriends

Why is a blond like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q. What's the difference between a female blonde and a male blonde?
A. The female blonde has a higher sperm count.

How can you drown a boatload of blondes?
Stick them in a submarine and knock on the door

Q: What did the blonde say when she walked into the sperm bank?
A: "I'd like to make a deposit."

Q: how do you get a blond to marry you?
A: tell her that she is pregnant.
Q: what is the first thing she'll ask?
A: is it mine?

what do you call a blonde in a frezer? a frosted flake

How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

What do you call three blondes standing next to the Green Giant?
Ho, ho, ho, Green Giant

What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

Did you hear about the blonde who died at the drive in? She went to see
"Closed for the Winter"

Q. A brunette, a smart blond, and Santa Claus are walking down the road, They see a one hundred dollar bill on the ground who picks it up.
A. The brunette, Santa claus and smart blondes don't exist

Why do brunettes tell SO many blonde jokes?
They have nothing else to do on Saturday nights.

Why was the blonde excited when she finished her puzzle in 6 months?
Because on the side of the box it said 3 to 6 years!!

What do you call a brunette next to a blond?
Buy one get one free

What's the first thing a blonde hears in the morning?
"See ya."

Why don't blondes get their drivers licence?
They stop and wait for the STOP sign to turn green.

What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
You know how many men can fit in a limo.

Did you hear about the blonde that tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window?

A man and his blonde wife were sitting at the table going over their bills when the man was shocked to discover that they barely made enough to cover them all. All night long he tried to think of a way to come up with the extra money each month and the only solution he could come up with was that his wife should sell herself for the extra money. She agreed. That night was her first night and she came home exhausted. When the husband came home that night he asked her how much she made. She said "$475.50." Her husband was pissed, "Who was the cheap bastard that only paid you 50 cents?" She replied, "why, all of them."

Q. What does a blonde consider safe sex?
A. A padded headboard.

Q. What does a blonde from Kentucky say after sex?
A. "Get off me Daddy, it's brother's turn!" {please no kentucky jokes !!}

Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
She was drinking on the job.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
After you put a load in the washing machine, it won't follow you around for a week.

There were three blondes walking on the beach. They came across a genie's lamp. one blonde picked it up and rubbed it, the genie told her she had 1 wish. the blonde said, i wish that i was smart. poof, genie made her smart. then the second blonde got a wish. she asked to be smarter than the first blonde.poof,genie made her smarter. the 3rd blonde asked to be the smartest person in the world. poof,genie turned her into a man

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a swimming pool? Bubbles.

Once upon a time in the land of Starks, a blonde became so sick of hearing dumb blonde jokes that she dyed her hair brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!" The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said "352." This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock." The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others. When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11:00 news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. (The station cuts to a commercial.)
Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump.
Blonde: OK.
(back to newscast) He jumps.
Blonde: OK Here's my $20.
Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it.
Blonde: I insist. I lost.
Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6:00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet.
Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice.

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrgeeerr Kiiiiing.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly ---from the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"  Startled, the blond moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The Blond, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!"

A blonde is driving down the highway in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. Suddenly, she comes up to a trucker towing a double-wide home, puttering along at 45, & taking up both lanes. Being a normal California blonde, she begins to tailgate him. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to back off. To her this looks like a wave...So she waves back.  Since her first attempt was futile, she decides to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass. This time he motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He tells her not to move until he comes back. Being a naive, California blonde, she agrees & steps inside the circle. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats the hell out of it! Satisfied, he throws the bat back into his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, she is giggling uncontrolably. Confused, he asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!"
Still giggling, she replies.........."While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.  The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.  "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"  The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb!'"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

She was so blonde that...
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
She thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
She tripped over a cordless phone.
At the bottom of an application where it said "sign here", she put "Sagittarius"
It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test - and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company.
When she was on the highway going to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left", she turned around and went home.

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:
"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all working for NASA, were trying to figure out where to go on the next trip. The brunette said, "We should go to Mars." The redhead said, "We should go to the Moon." The brunette and the redhead sat there arguing for a while. Suddenly, the blonde shouts, "Stop arguing! I know where the next expedition should be to ... the Sun!" The brunette and the redhead looked at each other and started laughing. The brunette finally said, "You can't go to the Sun. You would melt or burn up before you even got close!"
The blonde said, "Not if you go at night. DUH!"

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.  While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.  He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.  She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.