THE PROPHECIES OF NOSTRADAMUS
These recently re-discovered quatrains, translated from the original
Latin, has been interpreted by James Wiseguy, professor of Prophecy, Monash University.
"The battle will be short, and the Shrub will force the Sad Man to back down over the
land. Nineteen shall be eight once more." ----- This is clearly a reference to the
recent work on my garden by workers from the Mandas Gardening and Landscaping Company. I
knew I had been quoted $800, but they insisted on charging me $1900... just goes to show
you can't be too careful when getting work done. So, was Nostradamus a representative from
the Consumer Affairs department? Possibly.
"The large blackhead will smite the Sad Man to bits." ----- While some believe
this to be a reference to General Schwarzkopf (schwarzkopf is German for blackhead), I
firmly believe that this refers to the large blackhead that has appeared on my face, which
somehow has increased my resolve to get my $1900 back off the gardening people.
"The weather will be generally fine, with a little cloud drifting over from the west
in the later part of the afternoon and a few isolated showers in the north." -----
Well, this is obviously Nostradamus' weather forecast. Nuff said. Probably more accurate
than one from the Bureau of Meteorology.
"Years from now, a bunch of scumsucking bastards will make a packet of money out of
interpreting my forecasts." ----- He was probably right. Oh, look for my new book,
"Nostradamus and Me" by James Wiseguy, Capatalist Books Ltd, $49.95. ----------