OFFICE DICTIONARY

1.  "COMPETITIVE SALARY":  We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
2.  "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY":  We have no time to train you.
3.  "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE":  We don't pay enough to expect you to dress up.
4.  "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED":  You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
5.  "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" :  Some time each night and some time each weekend.
6.  'DUTIES WILL VARY":  Anyone in the office can boss you around.
7.  "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL":  We have no quality control.
8.  "CAREER-MINDED":  Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
9.  "APPLY IN PERSON":  If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
10. "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE":  We've filled the job; our call for a resume is just a legal formality.
11. "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE":  You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
12. "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST":  You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
13. "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS":  You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
14.  "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS":  Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
15.  "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION":  I've used Microsoft Office.
16.  "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE":  I pilfer office supplies.
17.  " MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES":  I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
18.  "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK":  I blame others for my mistakes.
19.  "I'M PERSONABLE":  I give lots of unsolicited personal advice.
20.  "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL":  I carry a Day Timer.
21.  "I AM ADAPTABLE":  I've changed jobs a lot.
22.  "I AM ON THE GO":  I'm never at my desk.
23.  "I AM HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED":  The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.