Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has
one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have
too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet
or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your
ratchet?" "OK. "By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket
yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice
scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love
gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If
you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the
corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm
told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of
weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door.
Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Wilson Lumber, Home
Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears'
Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know
what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter
for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get
him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks.
"Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #11: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.
Rule #12: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't
know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The
Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows