NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a
ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction. Al-gebra is a problem for us, Gonzales said.
They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in search of absolute values.
They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as
‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the
axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more
fingers and toes.
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the president.